Super Seven: Things That Make Everyone Feel Better
By Raeanne Johnson, CPNP-PC, PMHS
Hello friends! As a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner, Pediatric Mental Health Specialist, and busy mama to three amazing kiddos, I’ve found seven lifestyle modifications that make a big impact on our mood and mental health. In our visits, I often refer to these as “seven things that make everyone feel better”, and the good news is they are all free and accessible.
1-Sleep
We know sleep is important, so we discuss a quality sleep routine, consistent bedtime, and strategies for prioritizing rest.
2-Screens
Screen time is a divisive topic, and there is no singular correct answer for how much is “too much”, but we will talk about patterns we see and the correlation between screen time and mood. Does social media scrolling increase your teens anxiety? Are most of the anger outbursts surrounding the removal of electronics or losing in gaming?
3-Sunshine
I own a shirt that reads “Less screen time, More green time” and summarizes my philosophy on the two. We know that morning sun can naturally increase our serotonin production and general sun exposure increases our vitamin D which aids in mood health.
4-Sweat
Find a type of movement that you love, and do it often to boost those endorphins!
5-Sugar
Sugar has been linked to anxiety and depression so we need to exercise discretion on setting limits and enjoying in moderation.
6-Scripture (or faith-grounding practice)
This is probably my favorite tool, because we can take our anxieties to the Prince of Peace-Jesus! (Isaiah 9:6) I love to read the Bible, but this tool can be applied to any faith or spirituality background. It’s helpful to have a mantra or verse to meditate on to help ground us when the cares of our hearts are many. Breathwork is also a beautiful free tool that can be utilized to help keep us calm and steady.
7-Stressors
This last one looks different for every family, but if we look through and see that the negative emotions that surround a certain activity outweigh the positives of enjoying it then we begin the discussion of how to eliminate or modify those activities.
As a bonus, I also love to recommend an eighth “S” for Supplements and I’ll be writing up a post with my favorites to share with you.
Thank you for reading! I hope you find this helpful and I look forward to serving you and your families as the newest member of the Psychiatric Medication Management team at Raleigh Psychology.
-Raeanne
Clouds in the Sky, You Know How I Feel
Our emotions can be likened to clouds passing over our heads in the sky. They come in different shapes, sizes, and shades, some staying for hours, others for days. Yet in their differences, none are inherently bad. They simply exist.
Clouds can remind us of something important - we are not fused to our emotions. We may enjoy the results of some clouds more than others, but the clouds needn’t stop us from pursuing our values and goals in life.
Perhaps we alter our schedule or prepare for coming or going clouds, but they do not define our lives or who we are.
Yes, it is wise to recognize clouds and adjust accordingly. With dark clouds pouring out rain, we pull out an umbrella or perhaps grab lunch (inside) with a friend. On a sunny day with big fluffy clouds, we enjoy the sun and allow the rays to warm our bodies and hearts.
Emotions, as with clouds, are not inherently bad. They simply exist. They come in all shapes, sizes, and shades, some staying for hours, others days, others months, but none of them define who we are. We prefer some more than others, and all impact our lives, but they are not to be feared. They are to be recognized and even embraced for how they point out (or sometimes shout out) what we truly value in life.
These emotions you are feeling, they may feel permanent, but just know, friend, they will not last forever. Just ask the clouds.
From Parent to Emotional Coach: Helping Your Child Develop Emotional Intelligence
When children face “big emotions” for the first time it can be extremely difficult for them to understand how to process those feelings and, in turn, how to react and work through them in healthy ways. Many parents want to love and support their children’s mental and emotional health but find themselves at a loss when these big emotions strike. In these circumstances, it can be helpful to see yourself as an emotional coach alongside the role of parent. An emotional coach can teach their children how to face and work through big emotions while also disciplining them if these big emotions cause harmful behavior. For example, a child facing high levels of anxiety may lash out in the form of a temper tantrum or anger toward their sibling(s) but in reality, they just don’t know how to handle the stress they feel. To your child, the anxiety could be compared to the fear we as an adult might have if we saw a shark swimming near us in the more shallow part of the ocean! Any typical adult would probably start spiraling, hoping and praying for a way out back into safety. Similarly, if a child with little emotional intelligence faces unknown emotions they may act out but deep down they are screaming to be more regulated and back to safety.
Meghan Owenz of The Gottman Institute, a well-known research-based group, discusses five important steps that can be helpful as you begin coaching your child when these big emotional moments strike.
First, parents can start to be aware of their children’s emotions. Remember, it is not a sprint, it is a marathon with your child. It will take time to learn their emotions and why they are having them. Also, each child is different in their expressions. Observing, listening, and acknowledging those feelings should be your primary focus. Familiarize yourself with your child’s emotions and understand their effect on your child. Slowly beginning to understand when your child’s emotions come into play with their unique reactions and external coping mechanisms can better help you be prepared to emotionally coach them on how to healthily process the situation.
Secondly, parents can think of these emotions as an opportunity for deeper connection and teaching moments with their children. Slowing down the moment and opening up the conversation to coach your child through the challenging feeling will breed empathy and trust, both ultimately helping to foster a deeper connection.
Thirdly, it is so important to listen and validate your child’s feelings. Again, slowing down the situation and giving your child your full attention communicates that they are important and this situation is important. It is helpful to create the space for an open conversation about what they are feeling. Hearing and validating their emotions makes them feel seen, heard, and inturn breeds empathy.
This brings us right into step number four which would be to help your child label their emotions. In nearly every office of Raleigh Psychology, we have a feelings wheel that not only helps clients (of all ages) identify their specific emotions but also displays the various feelings often not acknowledged. The feelings wheel is a valuable tool that parents can bring into moments of big emotions to help their children understand and label what they are feeling. There are so many more emotions than the primary ones- happy, sad, angry, disgusted, fearful, and surprised. Showing your child this wheel and helping them understand the vocabulary they can use to identify what emotions look and feel like not only helps them process emotions but will also helps them to help others.
Finally, the final step that can oftentimes be forgotten is to help your child problem-solve. If you are noticing maladaptive behaviors as a result of these emotions, it is important to guide your child into a conversation about healthy coping skills so your child can learn how to set goals and develop emotional expression that is appropriate and healthy,
In conclusion, the next time you notice your child struggling with big emotions, slow down the situation and move forward as an emotional coach. Don’t worry if it seems to be challenging - just like your child is learning his or her emotions, you are learning to coach them through! Remember, it is a marathon, not a sprint!
Sleep is Essential
By Emory Jordan, age 11
The recommended sleep time for a school-aged child (ages 6-13 years old) is 9-12 hours, but most kids do not get nearly that. Sleep can be helpful, restorative, and peaceful. It is a time to relax and let your body and brain recharge to get you ready to face the challenges of the next day. It is important to avoid is under sleeping. The National Institute of Health researchers have an ongoing Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development (ABCD) study that has found that children who get less than 9 hours of sleep had “more mental health and behavioral challenges… including impulsivity, stress, depression, anxiety, aggressive behavior and thinking problems”. Their research showed that the kids with less sleep also had less “grey matter or smaller volume in certain areas of the brain responsible for attention, memory, and inhibition control, compared to those with healthy sleep habits” (nih.gov). For kids to get enough sleep, the bedtime to aim for is from 8:00-9:00 pm and wake-up time around 6:00-8:00 am. Unfortunately, many parents and kids ignore because they are so busy, spend time on screens, or think ‘it’s cool’ to stay up late. Also, kids who do not get exercise of outside time during the day could find it difficult to get to sleep, so it is important to stay active. I personally find that reading a book in bed helps me relax and fall to sleep. If you or your child has sleep issues it is worth focusing on because lack of sleep can lead to problems with school, family, and friends.
Managing High School Stress
By Kealy Jordan, A High Schooler
As a high school student, mental health can be a big struggle. My school has a very competitive academic landscape, creating lots of pressure for students to take harder classes and get better grades. Ways that I have managed academic pressures are finding activities I can do that take my mind off of schoolwork. Examples include playing an instrument, moving my body through yoga or walks outside, and hanging out with my friends. I also love to take art and music classes that are not very rigorous, and allow me to be creative, giving me brain breaks in my day. As a student-athlete, time management can be a big struggle, and is something that I am still trying to work on. A big tool I have used is a weekly calendar, where I write down my tasks and events for the week, which helps me make sure I never forget an assignment. Another great tool I use is the 5-Minute Journal by the company Intelligent Change. This journal has a morning and night section, that you fill out each day. In the morning, I am prompted to write 3 things I am grateful for, 3 things that would make today great, and a daily affirmation to build confidence, thankfulness, and a positive mindset for my day. At night, I write 3 things that I enjoyed, and what I learned that day. This helps me reflect on my day and how different things made me feel. Having extracurriculars where I can be silly with my friends, like book club and my schools' YoungLife group, are very important to include in my schedule. In 3 years, I won’t remember that one math test I failed, but I will remember fun, carefree times I had with my friends. The biggest piece of advice that I can give is that worth is not found in your grades or performance. It can be so easy to feel as if you are lesser than somebody who got a better score on a test, but it is important to remember that you are just as valued, loved, and important as everybody else.