Measles and Gratification

Before you ask me if I have lost my mind with that title, I shall explain. The words that social media and news outlets are often pairing with “measles” these days include “outbreak” and “vaccines” and “Disneyland.” After the Disneyland outbreak, vaccines are once again making a surge at headlines and significant controversy regarding folks in either camp.  I have a solution that I don’t think anyone has proposed yet, but is worth a voice! Why don’t we just ask the kids?!?! Let’s ask the 12 month old if he would like the MMR vaccine! Show them a needle and then explain the potential long term benefits of receiving the vaccine and let them decide! At that age, everything goes in their mouth, so the infant would likely endeavor to put the needle in their mouth, but aside from that, I don’t see any problems with this.  But seriously now, what about this topic engenders such heated opinion? From a psychological perspective, there are a few things I find worthwhile. Today we will examine the cognitive and in the next post, the emotional.

I just hinted at one with the picture of the small child shoving a needle in their own mouth. The idea of instant versus delayed gratification.  Parents agonize over watching their infants and small children endure painful shots, which not only cause initial discomfort, but can also sometimes create discomfort for the following 24-48 hours. My grandmother, for one, decided that that plan was for the birds and that she was NOT going to allow her children to endure this. Alas, my mother got the measles, but she is alive to tell the story today. (SPOILER: This is not the point in the blog post where I share my vaccination opinion. That is for each family to weigh with an educated opinion, informed not just from social media, but hopefully from well-respected researchers in reputable peer-reviewed publications. Note: Jenny McCarthy does not qualify in the aforementioned description.)

At that moment, it would be easier to allow the child to experience temporary comfort as it does feel rather cruel to watch your child endure pain right before your eyes—and you SIGNED a form ASKING them to do that! The irony! Most other forms of child harm would sign you up to receive a call from child protective services...but not this one. And of course the other side of the coin....what if your child was at the doctor’s office for a runny nose and exposed to a much more serious illness, like the measles? You would then agonize over your child’s severe discomfort and potentially life threatening health consequences.  What if, what if, what if.....and here’s where the long-term and delayed gratification argument becomes only a potential circumstance. 

In what other ways do we make decisions based on instant or delayed gratification? Going to see an amazing theatrical performance or putting that $100 away to save for a car, house, etc......spending endless hours practicing a sport or an instrument in order to hone a skill.....finishing your degree when so many other priorities vie for your attention….warming up a Trader Joe's enchilada or taking the time to cook a meal….the list goes on.

Are you someone that lives your life more for what feels good at the moment? Or do you consider the long-term consequences for your decisions before you make them?

Embrace the Crazy

By Amy Rauch, PsyD

My PhD-in-psychology cousin provided me with the best and final myth. Thank you!

Myth 4: "Only Crazy People Go To Therapy"

I love this one because it also begs the question as to who is crazy. Is a person crazy that sees or hears things that others don't? How about someone that copes with life stresses by....eating? eating and purging? drinking exorbitant amounts of alcohol? Unsuccessfully attempting to control their life and and that of everyone around them out of fear? Is a person crazy that views the world from a lens in which they are a perpetual victim and at the mercy of circumstance?  Is a person crazy that is in a perpetually sad state that can't seem to see the light? Or how about the person that finds themselves in unhealthy relationships time and time again? Or just under employed because they are too afraid to apply for a promotion for fear they will be rejected? Or the parent that has difficulty giving themselves grace for the daily struggles of raising a child...berating themselves for the wasted food thrown on the floor, the tantrum thrown at target, or the amount of TV their little ones watch?

Crazy is such a relative term. Could it be that we all have a degree of crazy? And the above myth's implication that only crazy people go to therapy could actually be embraced...that all of us are a bit crazy and that all of us could benefit from an honest look at ourselves and an objective look at where we have been, where we are, and where we would like to go??

Objectivity, clarity, opportunity for reflection and a safe place to be able to be honest with ourselves and someone else about things that matter to us....these are the gifts I hope to give my clients through the course of therapy. And I do this with individuals and couples at all levels of crazy....and can we now agree that every one of us has some crazy? And that learning to embrace and harness the crazy makes life all that much more beautiful?

I Have a Say in Therapy? What?

By Amy Rauch, PsyD

Yesterday we talked about the fact that some don't understand what therapy is and "torment" me with their misconceptions.  Yes, I can be a bit dramatic! Today is the second of three posts dedicated to dispelling some basic myths.

Myth 2: "If I start going to therapy, I won't ever stop."

You may know someone who has been in therapy for half of their life and assume that therapy is a life-long endeavor for everyone.  This decision is ENTIRELY up to you.  You are the consumer and you make the decision about this. If asked, your therapist might ask you what your goals are and then offer ways in which you might benefit from developing additional insight / work on that particular area, but if you are unmotivated or disinterested in doing so, it would be a pointless endeavor anyhow. It is also a fair question in an initial interview to ask how long a client with your presenting issue (anxiety, depression, relationship issues, etc.) typically stays in therapy with that therapist OR what kind of outcomes has the therapist had with clients with your presenting issue. Is that crazy to even think about asking? Did you get a little but uncomfortable when you read it? Yes, more of that shift from the first myth (in the last post) but would make for good conversation. While the therapist may not have a straight answer, they should at least be able to provide a loose time frame for when you can expect to feel better.

 Myth 3: "I can't tell my therapist when I don't like something they say or do"

 Yes, absolutely you can! That is such great information for the therapist to know and to discuss. Every client is different and has unique preferences and, while your therapist may be particularly observant and notice your shift in body language or tone, it would be even better for you to communicate that directly.  Your therapist can take it....you won't hurt their feelings or offend them....and if it does, they are in the wrong field and it's better you find that out now!!!  When I first meet a client I am very curious about past experiences in therapy because I want to know what has worked, what has not worked, and what they got out of the experience as a whole.  

What is Therapy Anyway?

By Amy Rauch, PsyD

When people find out that I am a therapist, I get some awesome questions and comments. One of my "favorites" is..."so are you reading my mind right now?" Or they tell me about their crazy mother/ brother /sister / friend, and I then wish I had changed the subject prior to answering their question about what I do for a living!

I have had enough people genuinely ask me what therapy is to think that some explanation might be helpful. I would imagine that images of the client lying on their back on a couch and an elderly, serious male therapist with glasses talking gently with the client about long repressed memories comes to mind.  We can thank Sigmund Freud for that one. Ah yes, that brilliant, cocaine-addicted mind that taught us that everything we do is motivated by sex and aggression. Or, the ever classic, “How does that make you feel?” question coming after each statement that the client makes.  Or perhaps you are more “informed” about modern therapy after watching the movie, “50/50,” and think that therapists could be potential dates that show up at your house for pizza when you are having an off day? Ay-yay-yay, that one killed me.

I attended a conference recently with psychotherapy / psychological and psychiatric experts from all across the world....it was quite an experience to be in the midst of those that had crafted the theories that I had been studying for the last 13 years. These people had such incredible minds and expertise and I sat next to therapists from Australia, Europe, Canada, and South America, to name a few...all sharing the common goal of becoming better at our respective profession and better learning how to help others. And one surprising thing that I took away is that we all define "therapy" differently. One thought leader interviewed noteworthy psychologists around the world and there was very little consensus. As such, you likely already guessed that I will not be attempting to define therapy explicitly, rather I will attempt to clarify what therapy is NOT by addressing myths about today's therapy.

Myth 1: The client is at the therapist's mercy.

There has been a huge shift in this area, both in medicine and in mental health...a shift from teacher / student, guru / naive, expert / novice to more of a collaborative relationship.  It's about time we figured out that just merely telling adults what to do does not work! If type 2 diabetic patients took their medications as prescribed, meaning along with diet and exercise!, how many borderline diabetic patients could get back into a normal A1C range?! If every overweight /obese patient who was told to lose weight actually did, then over 2/3 of Americans wouldn't be overweight! Simply telling independent adults what to do is ineffective....glad most of us finally figured that out!!

Clearly you still pay therapists / psychologists and physicians because they are knowledgeable in their respective areas and expertise and have something to offer, but the shift has been away from a "one size fits all" approach.  Effective therapy sometimes takes a problem solving approach to figure out a solution that gets them closer to their goal. Not all problems stem back to our repressed need for affirmation and the lack of warmth in our childhood...sometimes it can take the form of a nudge / push / lift / encouragement from a neutral source to get you where you need to go.

Countdown to Red Cups

What foods do you fantasize about? Is it that juicy steak, with cheesy mashed potatoes? A hot fudge sundae with cookies and cream ice cream, topped with whipped cream, nuts and a cherry?  The garlic fries at your favorite baseball stadium (AT&T Park for me, GO GIANTS!) Or how about the Starbucks holiday drinks, like the gingerbread or eggnog lattes?  You fill in the blanks.  I would be willing to bet that our favorite daydream food items share a common theme, though. I would venture to guess that these foods are out of reach most of the time.... that for whatever reason, you don’t eat these items daily, or even weekly.  Starbucks, for example, with all their marketing genius, knows that some of the secret to the success of their holiday drinks is that they are only offered during a specified period of time. 

You can almost set your clock by the first social media posts with Starbucks red cups housing their seasonal holiday beverages. Would you believe there is a website dedicated to the count down to said red cups? www.countdowntoredcups.com At the writing of this post, 294 days, 4 hours and 50 minutes stand between all of us and those red cups.  That’s right, according to the rumors, November 6th, 2015 is when they will unveil the new drinks. #firstworldproblems

In my last post, we all felt a little smarter as we learned about the science behind habituation and how we can use it to our benefit, or at least stop being a slave to our neuronal impulses and desire for neurological stimulation.  Let’s put habituation to work to help us stop obsessing about our favorite foods.  If we were to stop saving our favorite foods for special occasions and instead eat them on a more regular basis, we would be doing ourselves a favor by allowing our brains to adapt to these foods, instead of throwing an internal party when we finally allow ourselves to eat them!   I put this to the test recently, as I thought my appetite for ice cream was insatiable, meaning that no matter how much or how often I ate it, I would want it just as much.  So.... I ate it daily, sometimes twice a day. I ate that delectable Trader Joe’s Mint Chip for snacks or meals when I was hungry. And wouldn’t you know? It lost its allure for me.  I still enjoy it, but I am able to stop when I am full and not finish the carton each and every time.

Eating Intuitively* encourages applying this approach one by one to your favorite foods. As these foods lose their hold on you, be prepared for a bit of the emotional let down as these items become less exciting and tantalizing. What will you daydream about now, if not about that amazing dessert or scrumptious treat?  The possibilities are endless!

*Tribole, E, & Resch, E. Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works. St. Martin’s Griffin. 2012.