Learning at its finest….

Have you ever wondered why “new” things typically seem more appealing than “old” things? Aside from the vintage obsession, of course...but, even then, the vintage items are still new to you.  Even babies prefer the novel and pay more attention to items they have not seen before, as opposed to items that have been in the toy room for a while.  Does this same principle also apply to love and attraction?  What is it about a first kiss that is so intoxicating......yet kissing the same person feels routine after a while?

Science can lend us a hand as we try to explain this.  Habituation is generally known as diminished responsiveness over recurrent stimulation.  It occurs at the neurotransmitter level.  For those of you that are thinking.....”neurotransmitter....? You think I was listening in Biology 101 or Psychology 101 when that was discussed?  I had so many more important things on my mind!  Like if that guy/girl I went on a date with last night is going to return my text....or playing that addictive game on my phone!”  I don’t blame you. Such is life.  Simply speaking, neurotransmitters are chemicals in the brain that communicate information throughout our brain and body.  At this chemical level, our body responds less when it becomes accustomed to something.....when this something becomes a habit, hence HABIT-uation.

Habituation is the most simple form of learning*.  If everything were new to us every day, we wouldn’t get anything done! We would be so distracted by the novelty of everything around us, that our minds would be exhausted attempting to process it all.  Habituation allows us to mindlessly drive our car without thinking about every little step involved.  Think back to when you first got your license....how much longer did it take you to start the car then as compared with now?

So what do we do about this? Do we keep constantly keep buying new clothes, new toys, and starting new relationships??  We can, but then we may end up on “Hoarders” and date lots of different people because we decide our current partners just don’t give us “butterflies” anymore. 

We have other options. How can we use our knowledge of this to our benefit?  Let’s think about this.......When you have been away from your partner for a period of time, does that first kiss taste sweeter?  When you magically find that long-forgotten favorite toy underneath the driver’s seat, does your child find it more exciting?  Are you one of those really organized folks that rotate seasonal items in and out of your closet? Then you are already on your way to getting this! By reducing exposure to the particular stimulus for a period of time, it will likely feel new and excited again!   With your partner, expect that that kiss will likely feel less exciting over time, so switch things up regularly. Rotate your little one’s toys every few weeks or alternate toys with a friend who has a similar-aged child.  With your clothes, save that special shirt/dress/tie for special occasions and it will maintain its excitement or novelty for longer.

*Neurobiol Learn Mem. 2009 September ; 92(2): 135–138. doi:10.1016/j.nlm.2008.09.012.