Caution in Comparison

Amy Rauch, PsyD

CAUTION: Interpret social media posts carefully....as things are not always what they appear. I just learned that a friend from long ago has been in a terribly abusive relationship that included her husband having multiple affairs. Separated by much time and distance, I wouldn’t have anticipated that I would have heard from her directly, but I wondered if there had been any subtle indication on her facebook profile that I might have missed. I felt so sad thinking of the pain she had endured. Instead what I saw were photos of a seemingly perfect (incredibly photogenic!) family with proclamations of how wonderful he was as a man and husband.

One of the biggest pitfalls of social media is a tendency to share partial truths....and for the reader or peer to fill in the gaps. Kind of like the way we do when we’re dating. We know a little bit about the person and then fill in the rest in our minds with our hopes and dreams of how the person is or could be.

And oh, the comparison game....my husband doesn’t _________ like he does....if only my kids ________ like theirs or..... I wish we had the money to take trips like they do. You fill in the blanks. Endless ways we use social media for comparison that leave us feeling inferior, negative, and often prove detrimental to our own intimate relationships. I especially love the posts that make me feel like I know the many sides of people better...not just the shiny ones! And a lesson I won’t forget on filling in the blanks.