Mindfulness in the Time of COVID
By Andy Williams, LCSW
The thoughts of everything that had happened and everything I still had left to do before the day was over splashed about in my head as my daughters, ages two and four, shrieked and splashed with their toys in the bath. It was not that today had been any more difficult or stressful than any other day recently, in fact quite the opposite--it was the monotony of routine and the unrelenting demands of both work and home life that for some reason had reached a tipping point this evening, and I found myself increasingly preoccupied with a dull aching mixture of anxiety and fatigue. Continuing to supervise bathtime, my mind drifted again to the chores that remained for the evening--finish bath, help get pj’s on, comb hair, read nighttime stories, fold laundry, clean kitchen, change cat litter, check and respond to work emails, and oh yeah tomorrow is trash and recycling day so I have to remember to get the bins to the curb. Vaguely aware that my daughters were still alive and well in the bath three feet away, and mustering as much self-pity as I could find, I wondered to myself is this it? Is this what life is? A series of chores and tasks and to-do’s making one day indistinguishable from the next?
The response to this question, which was essentially “yes, this is it,” has had a lasting impact on me as both a person and a professional therapist. Sitting on the floor of my bathroom, soap bubbles standing in for the proverbial lightbulb which had just gone off in my head, I felt a deep, profound, and immediate shift in my being. Intellectually familiar with the concept of mindfulness but with no real experience in its practice, I recognized just how much of my life was spent in the future or past tense, and just how powerful the immediacy of the present moment could be. While I was still aware of the need to complete the many items on my mental to-do list, I also saw clearly, for the first time, that approaching each moment with intention and without judgment, being fully present in the act of living rather than an annoyed and weary bystander, was a choice I had the freedom to make.
Fast forward almost a decade and I am again reminded of the power of the present moment as we navigate the sudden challenges and changes that have come as a result of COVID-19. The rhythms and routines that once brought comfort, or at the very least familiarity, have for many of us been stripped away, with new demands on our time and resources, and new roles we have been asked to take on. While the mindful epiphany described above was a seminal moment in my psychological maturation, it was not a vaccination where a single dose could protect me from all future life-stressors. Rather, the practice of mindfulness is probably more akin to flossing, a habit that is best when done daily, helping to prevent the build-up of harmful psychological plaque, and while I would love to tell you that I have maintained a disciplined mindfulness practice for the past 8 or 9 years, it takes events like we are experiencing now to remind me of the importance of intentionally staying present-focused (and if I have been inconsistent in my own practice of mindfulness, let’s just say my dentist would not be too impressed with my flossing effort either).
Supervising bathtime is no longer on my to-do list, and it’s funny to think about missing a time in my life that, when I was living it, felt so stressful. I assume that these current challenges will also be looked at with a mix of relief and nostalgia once they are in the rear-view mirror, but who knows when that might be. For now, I try to approach each moment as an opportunity, to simply be even as I’m doing. The cat litter still needs changed, there are even more dishes than usual with four of us eating all of our meals at home, and it’s Monday, which means time to put the trash cart at the curb. Life has taken on a new rhythm and I am doing my best to move with the right tempo. Who knows, maybe I’ll even pull out the floss this evening.