When Grief Gets Complicated

Valerie Thorn, LCMHC

I frequently hear about the many different emotions that come after the loss of a family member or spouse. It seems that the deep emotions most often stem from unresolved issues–hurtful memories, emotional and physical wounds, critical words, and trauma related memories. I get asked, “How can I get past the pain? The anger? The bitterness?” Or they tell me that they feel guilty for even thinking about their own hurt and that it would just be easier to avoid it all together. 

What about forgiveness? How would that help? They may desire to get past the hurt, yet feel that it seems so unfair to let the other person off the “hook.”

Forgiveness is more about letting go of bitterness that can destroy peace, and take away joy. I am sad for the lost opportunity to reconnect, to possibly heal, and to confront my fears and anxious feelings. The calm comes when I remember that today is a new beginning. I can get through this with my faith in God, the support of others and one small step at a time. My action steps–believe, hope and let go of things I can’t control.